What is harmful maternal love?
You, of course, know the saying that all problems are from childhood. Can't lose weight, find a job, meet a man, find yourself? Most likely, my mother is guilty: she did not love you to the full extent that you imagined. And if you assume that you love it, do you think there are fewer problems in this case? By no means.
There is an opinion that maternal love is the most cunning of the whole spectrum of love. And all because it carries a lot of impurities and varieties. Some people have this feeling of ownership, others have a desire to assert themselves through a child, and someone has a banal egoism. In general, the egoistic relationship between the child and the mother is probably the most frequent occurrence. A mother sees in her child the continuation of herself and her unsolved life tasks, unconsciously shifting her own problems, complexes and problems to her.
And the feeling of ownership and all the follow-up “my child”, “my little one”? Things pure water. He is not yours. He, as the cat Matroskin used to say in Prostokvashino, “is itself a boy, his own”
And in general, how often do you meet among your acquaintances, mothers who have a life in full swing, who have a lot of their worries, interests and hobbies? Infrequently. Usually before us the performances of mothers-whiners unfold - they always need help; or mothers of all-knowing and powerful — dictatorship and strict regime usually reign there. And it's not about the relationship "mother and child-student". These "schoolchildren" can be both thirty and forty years old. Easily! It also happens that a mother's frantic love arises against the background of an ineffable love for a man. The most vivid example is a woman without a man. Look more closely: as a rule, the sons of these ladies very late create their own family and often cannot keep it. The mother, who was never able to let the child out from under her wing, unknowingly blocks the road to happiness, because at least someone should stay near her. Unspent feminine energy manifests itself in relation to daughters - through jealousy. No one will notice how cleverly and subtly loving mother prevents her daughter from making her own nest. What for? It's so cozy and warm near mom! What if on the other side she would be very good? Who then drip on the brains have?
You ask, how to love? There is no true answer to this question.But only one option is spinning in my head - that love for a child means the result of love between a woman and a man. And there can be no other components in this feeling. This is how nature works: we are drawn to the opposite sex, we are drawn to love and to be loved. And whether children will happen further is already absolutely not important. Happened - fine. Be proud, love and grow this is your result. That's it, the mission is over. Further - together we live, we cherish and cherish each other, but we do not cease to be ourselves. By woman We take care of ourselves, the child and we care for the relationship with the man as the basis of the foundations of your family. Without it, there would be nothing at all.
Where then does the distortion of values come from? Why is a mother woman always active in the front rows, carrying her proud status like a cross? Some even think that motherhood is a vocation. In this case, one can reason on the vocation to be a daughter or a son, a wife or a husband.
The state and society in their time did everything to create a bright and pure image of a mother who finds happiness in children. A woman believes in this image, and also believes that, having become a mother, she learns something perfect and magical.And leave the thought of being a person - smart, whole and striving for other types of happiness, such as the happiness of personal growth. And now, finally doing her duty, the woman plunges into a new state, forgetting about the man. Her whole being puts in the center of the universe of the child. But once on this pedestal bloomed husband. And what happens: instead of maintaining healthy relations between the spouses in the name of themselves and the child (his happy life largely depends on it), mothers rush to all other parties. Especially in those where there is no husband. In children's cares, communication in mother's chat rooms, the transformation from a woman into a hen. Sometimes the success in the kitchen begins to feel dizzy, and the harmless young mommy turns into the dominant and most important woman in this world with a baby in her arms.
Do not go further to the fortuneteller: the relationship between the pair is fading away. They are simply not needed. The world revolves around a new person, and everyone else, please, have fun as you wish. A woman’s desire to be an ideal mother adds fuel to the fire. But, it’s not a standard, especially those who believe in motherhood can fly off their coils and bring themselves to depression.
And who just said that motherhood is the main task of a woman? Of course, the child is not so easy to endure and give birth in our nervous and anxious world, but life goes on, and the tasks can be much more complex. To recognize your essence, to reveal femininity in yourself, to create in the family an adequate space for love.
Evolution is not about giving birth to one, second, third. And the fact that with them with all of them to remain myself and to love children not to the detriment of either myself or my husband
The ruinous phrase “I gave everything to children” will not be desired by the enemy. So the unfortunate person who has incorrectly placed priorities can tell. “Love” is absolutely that a person does not have enough air and space for maneuver - was it worth giving everything away for that? It is like help that was not asked for. Makes you feel guilty and humiliating. "Love" so much, then to manipulate?
With age, the maternal sense progresses, and the sense of ownership grows at an incredible rate. That is why we often feel some aggression in the “love” of our adult mothers, and we eschew them, fighting with the feelings of conscience and guilt.Do you want your child to sincerely aspire to you throughout his life? Concentrate on your development, and then you will be interesting to children. That's all.
The main problem is that no one realizes the harmfulness of love for a child, which is stronger than love for a man. Infantilism is not transmitted genetically, the mothers themselves give birth to her sons, making decisions for them, saying without stopping “we”, when the child is no longer a baby, but a man. What do we have in the end? Independent boy with bright female manifestations, which can be issued for kindness and tenderness. In the distant future, he will face the inability to truly love a woman (there is a mother) and create a number of problems for his children. For example, to build them on a pedestal and lose contact with his wife.
These sad reasonings are not here to offend or criticize anyone. This is just a small call to use the chance and try to help yourself. Become happier, freer, more confident - not at the expense of the child, but at the expense of himself.
Date: 09.10.2018, 12:09 / Views: 34494
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