Marriage is not the main purpose of dating
Dating helps you understand what you want and what you really need. They help to grow spiritually and change, plus to find a "suitable" person.
Let me explain with an example from the field of sports. The outstanding golfer Tiger Woods from childhood sought to win as many major tournaments as no one else could. And above all to win more tournaments than Jack Nicklaus. But what if Tiger had stated from the very beginning: "I will not participate in any other tournaments except the US Championship." Stupidity. He would not have achieved anything. And what if a student of the medical faculty said: “I will only agree to a high position, which fully corresponds to my ambitions. The least will not suit me. ” It would be insane - I would not want to get under the knife to such a surgeon!
Many people have distorted ideas about dating. It seems to these people that they know what they want, what they need and what they should be. As you read further, you will find out why this is not so. In the meantime, I invite you to reflect on the meaning and purpose of dating.Consider: if dating is just a search for the love of your life, then you will have to reconsider your ideas. I offer you the following approach:
1. Dating is a great opportunity to get to know people and their characters.
That very participant of my seminar, who recently divorced, should be like meetings with different men for purely educational purposes - otherwise she cannot understand how wrong her approaches to choosing a life partner are. If she does not wish to spend time on “educational dates”, then soon she will rush headlong into another maelstrom of love - that's all.
Perhaps you have no idea how and how the representatives of the opposite sex live. Once I deliberately sent a young man on a date with a girl who, I knew, was unable to arouse his sympathy. The young man liked a certain type of women, and this girl did not match his criteria. Then he confessed to me that he spent four unforgettable hours in a conversation about her spiritual life. Never before had he had such deep conversations with women. Communication with a spiritually mature partner, who did not attract him as a woman, taught the guy a valuable lesson.Continuing to perceive dates only as “the search for a wife,” he would not have thought to meet with this girl, and so he would never have known that deep spiritual communication is possible between a man and a woman.
The experience gained prompted the young man what exactly to look for in a woman. Thanks to the "untargeted" date, he realized what should be a serious relationship with a woman. He revised the criteria for female attractiveness. Now he is repelled by inner emptiness and attracts spiritual maturity.
A certain woman told me that meetings with "unpromising" partners showed her: men know how to listen. Previously, she always came across gentlemen who are passionate only about themselves. Following the “date for the sake of experience” principle, she made two discoveries. First, there were much more suitable men around than it used to think. Secondly, not all men are like those that they have met before. Thanks to dating "without a long-range sight" she learned about the existence of different types of men.
Dating gives you the opportunity to meet people of different types. Dating can broaden your ideas of “what is good and what is bad,” and help you understand what exactly attracts you in the opposite field.Stop evaluating women and men according to the criteria that they either meet or do not match. Just watch people, look at them and better recognize them. You will see in them valuable qualities that have never been noticed before.
2. Dating gives you the opportunity to understand yourself and understand what should be changed.
Dating, pursuing purely educational goals, help to better understand their own feelings, reactions and character: you will meet with different people. A friend of mine was always attracted by weak-willed good-natured men, but all her attempts to build relationships with them failed. She realized that the tendency towards a certain type of people was caused by a mental wound. The fact is that her father was not too aggressive, so she was afraid of strong men. It was important for her to understand that a strong man does not mean an aggressive man. Not every strong man will manipulate a woman, as her father did. And indeed, after she began to meet with strong men and stopped looking for a “spineless” woman with whom she would feel safe, she understood this.
If you go on dates for educational purposes, you will definitely find yourself in situations that will allow you to learn about yourself that you simply need to know. How to behave with a particular type of person? Why? What types of personality scare you? Why? Is there a personality type that you lose the ability to think in communication with? Why? Is there a personality type with which you feel like yourself - or, on the contrary, do you become unlike yourself? Why? It is very useful to find answers to all these questions. Understand how you perceive different people and how you behave in their society. Then it will be easier for you to choose the person who suits you best.
3. Rendezvous - an event that is independent and valuable in itself
No one is allowed to know whether he is destined to marry her. And if it is, then how do you know when this will happen? Personally, I got married when I was well past thirty, and I warmly remember the time of dating. In those years I was fortunate enough to meet some truly remarkable women.
Dating implies a pleasant and rewarding pastime with interesting people, and this in itself is a wonderful goal.If you don’t enjoy dating, then there’s a reason. Perhaps everyone you meet is judged on the basis of "suitability for marriage." If you decide that this person does not suit you, then the date seems to you a waste of time.
What is the problem? Didn't you like the movie? Conversation? Food? Let's have fun! Do not deprive yourself of useful experience because you did not meet your prince or princess on a date. Tiger Woods enjoys playing golf not only at international tournaments, but also on weekends with friends.
Go on dates for fun. Go on dates to learn something new. Go on dates to gain life experience. If your goal is marriage, and only marriage, then you do not get enough experience and miss the opportunity to communicate with good people.
4. Dating is not binding.
I worked with a woman who was very afraid to be rejected. This greatly spoiled her life. She always worried that she did not like her companion, and could not fully enjoy the date. As a result, she could not manage to be with a partner herself, and he did not have the opportunity to understand what she was.As a matter of fact, the men did not want to continue acquaintance with my ward due to the fact that they could not make out all of its merits.
I advised her to take dates as an opportunity to get to know another person, to spend time at an exciting activity, without thinking about the fateful outcomes of the meeting. As soon as she stopped looking for a husband or a serious relationship, everything immediately went smoothly. She learned to be alone with a man. She had more fans and less cause for concern: these were her first steps towards finding the desired.
If for you any date is an international tournament, you will always be tense. Relax, just enjoy the game!
5. Dating provides an opportunity to show love to others and serve them.
On a date, you learn something new. The same can be said about the people you meet. If you treat people as you would like them to treat you, and show them what a good man or a good woman should be, this is a ministry in itself. Communicating with any person leaves a trace behind you - so let, thanks to meeting you, your partner will become better!
During the meeting, the interaction of two people takes place: everyone gives something and receives something.If you are trying to get something without giving anything in return, you do not understand the main thing. Show your partner what is good treatment. Then he will be able to understand what should be considered the norm in life; what is good and what is bad. You cannot know in advance what your counterpart is, but good treatment will always benefit him. “As you wish people to do with you, so do you with them” (Matthew 7:12). Help people understand how God designed the relationship between people. In life, including in personal life, one should learn to love one’s neighbors.
6. Dating gives you the opportunity to develop new skills and abilities.
Dating gives people experience. For example, if you are embarrassed to talk directly about your preferences, learn this during your visits. If you do not know how to be frank, talk about yourself, about your feelings and desires, learn this on dates. If you are not trained to solve conflicts, practice dating. Or maybe you should learn to renounce yourself, or listen to the art, or be less self-centered. On a date, you can and should not hide the immature sides of your personality.
If you do not master the basic skills of communication before the horizon is the same or the same, then you are in serious trouble.You will prove to be untenable in relations with the most significant person for you, and ... destroy these relations. In addition, if you are still a bachelor do not become a mature person, then your love will only be a continuation of your dysfunctions. So use dates as a testing ground or a laboratory for growth and maturation. The risk is minimal.
7. Give yourself a word not to commit yourself to serious obligations for a certain period of time
Give your word to follow the above principles for a certain period of time. Most recently, I took the floor from my friend: he promised me that he would not be in six months forging serious relations with women. Even if he meets the one that he really likes, he will not for her refuse to see other ladies. I gave him this assignment, because he did not understand what he wanted and what he needed. But he needed one thing: better understand himself.
It is curious that he really met a woman with whom he really wanted to establish a serious relationship, but he kept his promise. A meeting with other women helped him to truly appreciate the one that he liked.Looks like he's ready to make her an offer. This is wonderful, and if it happens, his decision will be much more mature than before the start of our experiment.
If you change your views on dates, if you make your goal not only the search for a life partner, but also the acquisition of new knowledge and experience, then miracles will happen. If you stubbornly believe that you should not go on dates with those who are not a potential spouse or spouse, then you are not ready for marriage. Give yourself such a promise:
I'll go on dates for the visits themselves. From now on, I cease to consider dating only as a way to find a husband / wife. I will try to see in them a source of knowledge, skills, maturity and spiritual growth. They will be an opportunity for me to serve other people. Long live knowledge, personal growth and experience!
This is the first step of our program: go on dates not for the sake of finding the second half, but in order to learn new things and have fun.
Date: 09.10.2018, 12:37 / Views: 43441
How to seal a hole in the interior door
How to understand how you look
Miniature Soldering Iron
Eat right in the cold season
Unusual Gifts: Design Secrets from Mimigrams