8 tips of psychologists that should not be blindly followed
Believe it or not, believe it or not, but there are pitfalls in the world of psychology. Modern society, of course, loves psychology, respects and in every way indulges it, laying out a tidy sum at every uncomfortable case. But experts are different, and not every one of them is a psychologist "from God." If it happened so that in your life you had to visit these specialists for a long time and painfully, then perhaps you have already come across (or come across) a number of both useful and strange recommendations with which they sin. Of course, not all tips should be considered as a threat, but still there are those that cause confusion and sarcastic comments. So, the main myths, slogans in which you should not blindly believe, and here's why:
Let go of your past
Usually, this phrase is spoken to those who broke up with a man and cannot cope with thoughts of him, and also does not know how to live further. But the question is different.
Where to let him go? Just like that, take and throw into the wind ten years of marriage, two gigabytes of photos, a common vocabulary and jokes, friends and other jointly acquired lyrics?
In these processes, only time works, which is known to heal. Everything else does not work. No sound person is able to take and “release” what he lived and breathed with. Otherwise, he can only forget about it, and only in a violent way. “Release the past - so you will be ready for the future,” psychologists-advisers do not let up. Well, it is already clear that a new relationship will not happen if the heart is filled with “old ones”. But why no one talks about the pause, which happens to be so necessary between different stories. And pause in the present. What a happy future, in principle, is impossible without a quality "here and now." Remember the quoted phrase from the movie "London" that from love a third of its duration recovers. This is usually what happens. Without an existential splitting, there is not a single powerful parting (and indeed it is always powerful after a long relationship). In general, you do not need to let go.When the time comes, you yourself unnoticeably release a thin string of a balloon with past happiness, and it will fly away in an unknown direction.
Find your way
Oil oily. Everything that happens in principle with you is your way if you want to add pathos to the description of your current life. A psychologist is a psychologist to complicate the route. Of course, it is convenient to explain to yourself and others that you are “in search”, especially when the psychologist supports you in all possible ways in every way. “Imagine a picture that you are doing something and you feel incredibly happy,” one experienced psychologist offers me once.
“Describe your feelings,” she says. Well, to be honest, I, at my thirty-plus point, see myself perfectly on stage, preferably theatrical, where I experience all sorts of dramas in a beautiful dress. But the only question is: can I earn money in my imaginary theater, even if I happen to be a miracle? How many years will it take? The psychologist in response to this will easily write a tirade about the barriers that we set ourselves, or about money that does not like the bill. And what do they like? An easy attitude towards them is this.In general, lovers delve into themselves with love will accept the proposal to "find yourself." All the others who have not lost their way in the forest and are not looking for a way back, most likely find themselves every morning in the mirror. Well, we, at least, very much hope for it.
Believe in yourself
And everything will turn out - the continuation of this motto. On the one hand, nothing glaring. "Believe in yourself" sounds like something adequate. This is something about confidence and some mythical own forces. On the other hand, to believe in yourself is as if to lose any doubt whatsoever. For what? Apparently, to become a man-tank, who goes on the spot and does not hear any criticism in his address. And what do you want, he also believed in himself and no longer sees anything around. As the writer Voltaire said: “Doubt is unpleasant, but the state of confidence is absurd.”
You can believe in love, in God, in miracles or fairy tales. But in yourself it is better to continue to doubt, so as not to wear the crown and not expect admiration from all
Talk to your psychologist about this.
This call is similar to "find your way." A more or less healthy person is already himself. All other options are appropriate for patients with a split personality.The desire to be oneself is perceived by many as an attempt to break loose. Just imagine what will happen if we all become "ourselves." In society, this concept means the same something unconventional - have fun, forget about work, family and the basic rules of decency. If you talk like that, then picking people's nose or going outside in their pajamas is also “being yourself.” In theory, this phrase should be perceived more in a physical context - about the lack of stiffness in the body, about breathing and feeling in space and society. Finding this inner freedom is much more difficult and more effective than just dyeing your hair pink. In general, do not confuse concepts and take a closer look at this expression.
Accept people as they are
This is my favorite phrase. And I translate it like this: forgive people everything they do. Understand a person if he has committed meanness or betrayal. Smile to the one who is Naham, and forgive the traitor. Once I complain to a psychologist that, supposedly, my husband is incredibly cold and cowardly, I do not feel the responses - and in general, I do not feel like a happy woman.And what do you think? The psychologist confidently (and no less coldly) answers me with something like: "Let him be yourself, leave him alone." And of course, he insists that it is necessary to fill only oneself and the happiness to search in oneself. Attention, a dangerous moment! Hundreds of examples when after these words "happiness is in you yourself" families collapse. Happiness is, and the husband becomes out of work. A complete and contented woman, in principle, does not need anyone. It turns out that psychologists lead us to this? Another trick that didn’t work for me: “Tell him about your feelings.” That is, it turns out, a man tells you about adultery (for example), and you tell him in paints about how you feel? It is possible that people of the future with artificial intelligence will have the same effect, for all others - I strongly doubt.
Allow yourself to love (let love in)
Another mantra from the sixties, which happy and carefree hippies must have known by heart. But alas, we, the people of another generation, are wildly listening to hear about the love of all humanity that has been soothened to absurdity. Nobody lets anything in. There is only a feeling that we can feel for another person.That is, we ourselves are the source of this feeling. And if you are required to love in relation to everyone in a row, then this is a direct path to mental loss. Love anyone you want, that's what.
Appreciate your uniqueness
Therapists, storytellers can weave that you are one in this world. And then the worst begins: we think of ourselves as some kind of incredible person with an amazing mission. Let's reason sensibly. Of course, we differ from each other in appearance, character, needs. But otherwise - what else? We are similar because we all belong to the same biological species.
To appreciate the intolerable character, long legs, a birthday on the same day as Monica Bellucci - what exactly should be valued?
In pursuit of the love of self, it is easy to lift one's nose, and calling ourselves a special person, we separate ourselves from the crowd and imperceptibly become snobs. Ask yourself, not a psychologist, what are you valuable for yourself and others? And do not be discouraged when answering this question.
Parents are to blame
Well, or that all the problems from childhood. Of course, there is nothing easier than to shift all your problems and failures to your parents. They were not so fond, they spent little time, they were silent, they did not tell here,example is not filed. Parents globally in general are not at fault. They did and do exactly as they can. How they were taught. As their data allows them, after all. Your job is to live as you see fit. It is now all stepped forward for miles and all have become incredibly clever in matters of communication, psychology and other things. Your task is to take for granted what you have. And to correct already what you are responsible for. But only you are responsible for yourself in the end. Parents are not chosen, so please forgive and hug your mom and dad. I tell you this as a “psychologist.”
Date: 09.10.2018, 12:44 / Views: 94261
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